Can we talk?

I need to speak with you about something quite serious. I am not pointing fingers, not trying to accuse. I would just like to know who on earth told my sweet, beautiful little girl that turning three is synonymous with being terribly, horribly naughty. I cannot think of another word but naughty.

Grace has destroyed my dreams of outgrowing the terrible twos- you know the stage, unable to communicate their wants and needs leads to tantrums, etc.- and turning into the sweet little girl who plays quietly, loves to help, and says "yes, mommy" often. Oh My Goodness. Yeah, right!
Communication is not an issue (please, please be quiet- just 10 minutes- please!!!!), now it is independence. "I will do it myself, and if you help me I will throw myself on the ground and scream until I (make myself?) vomit." Grace believes that asking for permission is a thing of the past- why ask for something that I want/need/don't care about (just want to defy my mom?). You can find her coming out of the kitchen at any given time with any given thing she desires. We lock the fridge.

I was so excited about the advance in reasoning skills that we have noticed of late, but the excitement has dimmed due to the now common use of said skills to attempt to convince everyone besides mom that mom said it is just fine- she can have candy before bed, etc. Mommy said it was fine.

Do you think that I am kidding- that three is not that challenging, that two is the ultimate in naughty? Let me help you to understand. ( Remember that these all happened before noon today)
Just this very morning Grace hit her older brother in the head because he was snuggling with mom (due to a lovely sickness), and he is a boy and mom is a girl. Boys can no longer be with the girls- they have to be with boys. This is the way it is, and I guess we should expect violence if this rule is not adhered to.

After being told that she cannot watch her ballerina movie, Grace decided that I was just wrong and put the movie in by herself 3 times before I finally took it away and hid it on top of the refrigerator. This led to a full body fling tantrum of about 10 minutes. After the tantrum ended Grace simply smiled and said (sweetly) "I think I will just wait until after quiet time to watch this movie". You may think that this is not a big thing- until I tell you that this was my idea before the tantrum. You see, if I suggest something, even if it is a perfectly acceptable idea, Grace must throw a tantrum and then reintroduce the idea as her own.

At lunch Grace turned to me and said, "You know, mom, when I am happy I am happy, and when I am mad I am mad" and then continued on with lunch. I think this will be our motto for the next year.

I am not asking for help, not looking for advice (there is none to give, I assure you). I just want to know who told Grace that this is the way to be three. And I would like to ask that person to take it back. Please, please, pretty please with sugar on my knees.